My moment of Zen

So, I just don't think I'm a spa/massage kind of gal. Don't get me wrong, I get facials every six weeks and mani/pedis every three or four -- but doing the whole relax on demand gives me angst in my pants.

Last weekend we were in Northern California (wine country) and spent an afternoon at a spa called Osmosis. They have this thing called an enzyme bath which is basically a compost bin that you climb into and bake. It was 100 degrees outside and the bath gets to 140 or so. The nice lady digs two holes (a compost bin for two, how romantic), you climb into rice hulls and sawdust naked and then she buries you, leaves and you relax -- or something like that. The second she was out the door, I had an itch under my eye. Out from the abyss comes my hand, covered with crap, and scratches -- leaving lots of traces of other itchy stuff in its wake. She comes in a few minutes later feeds us water through a straw, wipes off my face and puts a cool cloth on my head and leaves. Swear to god, no sooner do I hear the latch catch, I'm itchy again.

In the meantime my husband says to me "isn't this relaxing? I feel like I'm floating. Do you? Are you relaxed?" I'm thinking "my face itches again, I can feel the cloth dripping down my scalp and my body feels like I'm going to melt." He then says "this feels really sensual," "Sensual?" I ask. At that moment I was thinking about Kill Bill 2 and Uma digging out of the grave. I think I still have sawdust in unmentionable places.