The phonebook girl
The first time I got pregnant it happened quite quickly. We decided I'd go off the wheel (birth control pills) and we'd give it a go. A few months later I was pregnant. I needed a new doctor so went with one recommended by a friend. I knew from the doctor's business card that she also specialized in infertility.
Before the first appointment my husband and I had a conversation that in retrospect was surprisingly insightful. We talked about how there would probably be people in the waiting room who were struggling with getting pregnant and the last thing they would want to encounter were a couple of giddy, newly pregnant people. We were intentionally subdued.
There was a woman called before me who had an insanely thick chart. Phonebook type thick. I had an instant knot in my stomach imagining what she was going through, and I wished there was something I could say to let her know I felt for her. Of course I kept my mouth shut.
That first day we left at the same time -- I was armed with the plastic bag filled with sample prenatals and she asked if I was pregnant. I said I was and she smiled and said good luck. I ran into this woman on occasion going to my appointments and we always shared a smile. One day I overheard her talking to the lab tech who said "I think this one is it." I hoped with all my heart it was.
Not long after that I lost my baby girl.
I always referred to her as the "phonebook girl" and have thought of her from time to time. I never knew her name or what her situation was, but I'd like to think it all worked out.
I thought about her again today when the nurse opened the door and called my name -- biceps practically bulging to hold onto the phonebook-sized chart that belongs to me.
Before the first appointment my husband and I had a conversation that in retrospect was surprisingly insightful. We talked about how there would probably be people in the waiting room who were struggling with getting pregnant and the last thing they would want to encounter were a couple of giddy, newly pregnant people. We were intentionally subdued.
There was a woman called before me who had an insanely thick chart. Phonebook type thick. I had an instant knot in my stomach imagining what she was going through, and I wished there was something I could say to let her know I felt for her. Of course I kept my mouth shut.
That first day we left at the same time -- I was armed with the plastic bag filled with sample prenatals and she asked if I was pregnant. I said I was and she smiled and said good luck. I ran into this woman on occasion going to my appointments and we always shared a smile. One day I overheard her talking to the lab tech who said "I think this one is it." I hoped with all my heart it was.
Not long after that I lost my baby girl.
I always referred to her as the "phonebook girl" and have thought of her from time to time. I never knew her name or what her situation was, but I'd like to think it all worked out.
I thought about her again today when the nurse opened the door and called my name -- biceps practically bulging to hold onto the phonebook-sized chart that belongs to me.
posted by Sarah at
4:05 PM
4 Comments:
Wow, that is really deep and sensitive of you. My doctor converted my chart to computer because I had more than one. Both phonebook thick. He told me that I was the first chart he converted so that he could avoid any more workers comp claims from people having to move my chart.
Hahahahahaha
I have a memory of a perfect stranger having an effect on my pregnancy story too... it is somehow a very special memory and I think of her all the time.
I can understand the curiosity.
I've added you to my link list. Please let me know if you'd rather not be there.
Your story hits my heart hard. I always hold my breath as I wait for you blog to load, praying that everything is all well. I too lost a baby girl at 19 weeks in 2000. It was one of the worst things that I have ever gone thru, as you would know. Then in 2004, during my 19 week ultrasound, my doctor told me that my cervix was very, very short. It kept shortening and I was put on bed rest for 6 weeks, 10 of those days were in the hospital. My doctor wouldn't diagnose me as having an incompetent cervix because I had only 1 miscarriage. (heh, that one wasn't enough???) After 10 days in the hospital and only 27 weeks pregnant I gave birth to a tiny 2 lb, 12 oz baby boy who today is keeping me running. He is big and healthy and beautiful. I think about you often, not only because I wish you the very best, but you are the only one that I know that has had a circlage (sp) and if I have another baby I will need to get one myself. You give me hope that it will all be ok, and I hope that I can give you hope that you will have a beautiful angel soon. Take care, ~j
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