So we decided to take a break from Clomid this cycle because it has been such a stressful endeavor each month reaching my doctor to get a prescription called in, etc. And really, we never had a plan since the first time we talked about clomid I was on cycle day three and started taking clomid (and stopped nursing) within about eight minutes of talking to my doctor.
It is time for my annual appointment so I figured we'd take this month off, have a sane conversation with her about what she thinks our odds really are and then come up with a plan. I made an appointment, which turns out to be on day 12. When we spoke last month she suggested that this month we do an ultrasound on day 12 and maybe stimulate ovulation. I immediatelyl climbed back on the clomid bandwagon -- but then was reminded that my husband is traveling again and last month's hasty popping of the little white pill would likely yield the same -- as in nada.
We've had a couple of conversations about moving forward. We are so happy with our family of three and are not interested into having to try too hard for a baby -- whatever that means. In my heart of hearts I do want another -- but at the same time the idea of not going through another pregnancy, year of not sleeping etc. doesn't sound too bad either.
Plus as far as we know, my cervix is still incompetent.
I feel like I got extremely lucky last pregnancy. The kind of luck that doesn't usually come my way. And I got everything I ever wanted -- a healthy baby boy. He's amazing and adored and perfect. And how can we expect to do any better?
After three failed clomid cycles I'm feeling less than optimistic. There's a huge part of me that wants to just call it and not try for another. But I think about giving away all our baby stuff and it makes my breath quicken and chest feel heavy. I think of Spencer never having a sibling and my heart feels heavy.
I just don't know what is the best thing for our family. I feel like I'm leaning toward being done but I don't know how to completely get there.
I looked at my drawer of pregnancy-related supplies (sticks, oh the lovely sticks) and can't imagine not having them as part of my monthly existance. We've been at this for seven (!) years. Maybe enough is enough. But then again....(play, rewind. play, rewind).
