Suddenly it all seems real, plus a glimpse of boy bits

I had a great follow-up appointment post surgery. My doctor thinks it is her best work -- and if the fact that I had very little bleeding and no pain what-so-ever are signs of a good cerclage placement, I'm inclined to believe her.

She talked about when I'm in labor -- I must have had quite a look, because she said "I said when, not if" we'll get someone else to put the epidural in and we'll do it nice and early. It took a little longer than normal (at least what has been normal lately) to find the heartbeat with the doppler. I was about a minute away from panic when she found it. Phew.

All in all a good visit with the doc. I get to work at least two more weeks -- with a third in negotiation depending on how things go. I may chose not to work the last week I have some freedom so I can do things like get highlights and a haircut, a manicure, pedicure, etc. We'll see.

The most exciting thing came next...the ultrasound. All looked great with my cervix, and the baby's butt was facing out which explains the difficulty in finding the heartbeat. It also gave us a good look at what look very much like boy bits. I figured I'd be too early to find out (14 weeks, 2 days) but it was tough to miss.

So, I'm getting my head around a boy. Our last baby was a girl, so I figured this one would be too. There's nothing rational behind why I thought that, I just did. But I like that this is a whole new journey for us, that has started off extremely well. So well, that I can almost, almost imagine a little boy in our house.

Lockdown complete

The surgery went surprisingly well.

The worst part of all was the anesthesia and it was really unpleasant. It took the anesthesiologis seven (uh huh, seven) failed attempts at putting in the epidural before he switched to a spinal. At one point he asked the surgeons to leave if they were going to talk. Nice. I don't know who was more relieved when he finally got it in. Makes me want to consider a natural birth.

I didn't have much bleeding or any cramping after the surgery -- but my back hurt like shit. I was bruised and battered but I figure if that's the worst thing to come out of this I got lucky.

I spent the weekend basically on bedrest and it basically sucked! The one thing I have to figure out is how to read/use my laptop while reclining without straining my neck.

Back to work today for the next couple of weeks. I'm relieved to have this part of things behind me.

Operation Baby Jail

My surgery is tomorrow. I'm nervous about having it done, but I think I'm even more nervous about not having a cerclage. For some reason I think having the cerclage will make me feel less nervous about losing this pregnancy. Ha, I'm funny!

Heard from the perinatologist with results from all the cultures he took. I. in fact, do have a couple of infections -- just the things he was looking for. He believes now that infection played a role in my last loss and once these are taken care of, the changes to my cervix will stop happening. I hope he's right!

Bedrest starts in earnest tomorrow -- at least through the weekend. I bought a Lazyboy, have a wireless laptop and am a member of netflix. It will be a short glimpse at what my next 6 months will be like. Wheee!

A plan -- and just in the nick of time

The doctor shopping is over. I'm relieved to say that I'll be staying with my OB who will work with (should she agree when we speak tomorrow) a perinatologist. The OB will put in the cerclage and both will monitor my progress.

We had a great visit with the peri. He came out into the waiting room to introduce himself. I asked if I should finish the paperwork later and he assured me that he had "as much time as we needed." Not sure I've ever heard that from a doctor before.

He spent a lot of time talking about his doubts about the accurate diagnosis of IC -- he believes that most losses are caused by infection that, if monitored closely, can be caught. While none of us like infections, he hates them. And he will find them and destroy them. Period. Once he finished the infection talk and telling me he doubted I'd need a cerclage, he did a pelvic exam. After close examination he announced "hmmmm, your cervix is already open a bit." He then did and ultrasound and showed me how short my cervix is and where it is opening. He then announced that I need a cerclage. Soon.

Bottom line is he thinks that the operation is a piece of cake. He'll do it if we want, but he sees no reason why I shouldn't have my ob do the surgery. So that's what we'll do. I schedule the surgery date tomorrow and it will happen in the next week.

The peri had lots of questions about my OB and if I felt supported by her. He said what I need is peace, tranquility and support and that if I wanted he'd be happy to work with our OB. He then gave me is direct line, pager number and e-mail address. We spent an hour and a half with him.

I cancelled my appointment with the hotshot doctor who makes people wait for hours to see him. The very thought of having to deal with that kind of care during what isn't exactly a piece of cake made me so anxious and sad -- but of course I would have done it if there wasn't a suitable alternative.

I feel so relieved that the team is, for all intents and purposes, in place. Now I can refocus my anxious energy on how short my cervix is and the fact that it is already opening a bit. Holy shit. My surgery date can't get here soon enough.

Ultrasounds are like raises

I've always called raises "hush money." Doesn't matter if I'm getting them or giving them, raises buy happy workers who shut the hell up for awhile.

I've found the same is true with ultrasounds. I had to wait three weeks between ultrasounds. During those three weeks I went from happy to nervous to terrified. All in three short weeks. Then the ultrasound!! And I'm happy again! Luckily I don't have to wait three weeks for the next one -- too scary!

All looks great. I'm measuring a couple of days ahead and got to see some serious acrobatics going on -- the baby in there does flips and somersaults and lands on its head. Kind of funny that I have a circus in my lap and can't feel a thing.