Heard at my house this morning

Dadda: "Do you put headbands on Spencer?"
Momma: "No, he can put them on himself."

In other news, no need to buy four seats on the airplane just yet. Maybe next month.

Perhaps not so ambivalent

So here I am on day 32, four days late and nothing to show for it. I took a pregnancy test this morning and it was negative. I'm almost positive that I've never reached day 32 and not been pregnant.

I was hesitant to test this morning because I was afraid I would get a negative and afraid of how I would react. For the most part I'm ok, puzzled really. But every now and then I start to feel that almost panicky feeling that starts in your belly and slowly creeps upward and threatens to choke the life out of you. In years past it would have, I would have felt awful. Instead I just feel a little troubled and a lot distracted.

I am in such a different place now, the outcome of the test isn't so loaded, but the way I used to plan for the future hasn't changed. Already I've thought about when I'd deliver and if the baby would make the start of school cut off. If not, he'd (wow, typed that without thinking -- could be a she I guess)two or three years behind Spencer in school. I've thought about how we'd now need more than one row of seats in an airplane for vacation. I guess dad will take one and I'll take the other. If there is another.

I want to welcome a baby into our home next fall. I really do. I guess I'd only thought I was ambivalent about another baby. Or maybe it took a few months to get on the band wagon. Regardless, I'm on board. Wish me luck.

Because you are never too young

Shamelessly exploiting his love for the word no

Spencer 1; Daddy 0

I should know better than to leave those two alone!

At least I know I'm overreacting...

When I was pregnant with Spencer we were so worried that something would go wrong that we waited, and waited and waited to buy things for him. To provide some context, I didn't pack my bag for the hospital until I was a week overdue and advised by my doctor to go directly from her office the hospital. In hindsight not the smartest thing I've done, but whatever...

One of the things I really wanted to do was knit him a sweater. It was a topic of discussion many times in our home and finally at about the 8-month mark I started knitting. I made him a perfectly lovely navy blue sweater with a shawl collar.

I've made him many things since then, but there was so much wrapped up in that sweater. It is so symbolic of a time when we were equally filled with hope and dread. With each stitch a prayer that we'd have a baby to wear the sweater. It meant a lot and he wore it as a 6-month-old, and he wore it over the weekend. Somehow it still fits and I love it -- or rather loved it.

I've asked our nanny several times to not wash hand knit items but she did anyway and ruined the sweater. It is now this tiny felted thing that might fit a stuffed animal. She feels terrible and I am devastated. I'd never let on how upset I am. It was an accident and my guess is she'll leave hand knits alone from now on. But still...

When I discovered the sweater my mother-in-law was over so I couldn't react how I wanted to react. Instead I couldn't stop thinking about it -- and kept feeling tears sting my eyes. I know it is only a sweater and intellectually I know it isn't such a big deal but it represents so much.

Here's a photo of Spencer at 7-months-old wearing the sweater his momma made with all her hopes and dreams. I'm so glad he came true.