The phonebook girl

The first time I got pregnant it happened quite quickly. We decided I'd go off the wheel (birth control pills) and we'd give it a go. A few months later I was pregnant. I needed a new doctor so went with one recommended by a friend. I knew from the doctor's business card that she also specialized in infertility.

Before the first appointment my husband and I had a conversation that in retrospect was surprisingly insightful. We talked about how there would probably be people in the waiting room who were struggling with getting pregnant and the last thing they would want to encounter were a couple of giddy, newly pregnant people. We were intentionally subdued.

There was a woman called before me who had an insanely thick chart. Phonebook type thick. I had an instant knot in my stomach imagining what she was going through, and I wished there was something I could say to let her know I felt for her. Of course I kept my mouth shut.

That first day we left at the same time -- I was armed with the plastic bag filled with sample prenatals and she asked if I was pregnant. I said I was and she smiled and said good luck. I ran into this woman on occasion going to my appointments and we always shared a smile. One day I overheard her talking to the lab tech who said "I think this one is it." I hoped with all my heart it was.

Not long after that I lost my baby girl.

I always referred to her as the "phonebook girl" and have thought of her from time to time. I never knew her name or what her situation was, but I'd like to think it all worked out.

I thought about her again today when the nurse opened the door and called my name -- biceps practically bulging to hold onto the phonebook-sized chart that belongs to me.

well that was scary

Our baby was quite naughty yesterday.

I was in the shower shaving my legs thinking "odd, I don't really feel pregnant today." Then I thought "yikes, I don't really feel pregnant today."

I didn't feel him move at all in the morning which is really unusual. I ate breakfast which usually inspires a few good thumps. Nothing. I waited about an hour and drank a big glass of juice. Still nothing. I waited another hour and called the doctor. I ended up going in for a non-stress test. First thing I heard after they hooked me up to the monitor was a good strong heartbeat. I don't think I've ever been more relieved in my life. They had me drink some more juice and the doctors pressed some reallly loud alarm thing on my belly and he slowly got moving.

For the first time this little guy scared me. I realized yesterday that I have allowed myself to get used to the idea of bringing home a baby. If he is born now he should be fine, but yesterday made me keenly aware that other horrible things I haven't even imagined before could happen. For a few minutes I let myself imagine the worst and having that small look into what could be was paralyzing.

Apparently he was just resting up for a big evening. He kicked like crazy well into the night and has been a madman today.

I've been officially humbled.

Brilliant, insane, or maybe both

I'm the kind of person who often has really good ideas that don't seem like good ideas to anyone but me until after the fact. Here's my latest...

I tracked down our dog's breeder (we got her when we lived in DC and have since moved to California, the breeder is now in Ohio) to let her know what happened to our sweet pooch. She had a litter due that week and said if there was a female pet (she breeds dogs for show ) we could buy her. There is, and we are. We're getting a puppy, she'll be 13 weeks.

The breeder will be in Seattle on August 12th and so my husband will fly up early, early and come back early afternoon with a puppy in tow. I'm due August 21. Insane? Yup. Brilliant? Maybe.

Here's thing, we have plan b in case I happen to be having a baby on August 12th -- or if I have the baby after the puppy comes home. And beyond that, we will be home, we won't be sleeping, and really, what's a little more poop? Again, it is either brilliant or insane and it will be awhile before I'll know which.

Besides, my mother-in-law keeps insisting we give the baby a name that starts with H to honor her father. That's not going to happen with the baby, but maybe the dog!

Extreme Makeover -- Womb Edition

I don't know what the hell he's doing in there, but my belly feels like a construction site or a mosh pit. Lot's of flailing about and slamming into the sides of my belly. I couldn't be happier.