Starting the year feeling hopeful

This could be our last New Year's Eve alone as a couple. If all goes well, we'll be sharing our house with someone new next year. I can't wait.

We had our second ultrasound yesterday and saw a heartbeat. I'm so relieved but know that it is just another of many hurdles we have to clear. We're ready.

So far so good...

I had an ultrasound yesterday. Too early for a heartbeat but we did see a gestational sac and yolk sac -- all the things that we should see at this stage in the game. They also could identify why I've been spotting -- some left overs from implantation. Nice that there's a reason -- and good to know I should expect more of the same. They also did a blood draw so I should have HCG numbers sometime today.

Next week we look for a heartbeat.

In the meantime, so far so good...

Of course I'm spotting

I don't know why I would expect to be pregant more than a week before something happened to make my heart skip a beat.

I'm spotting. Not red blood. Not a lot. But fuck.

I spotted during my first and most successful pregnancy (pathetic that I call it a success to have made it to 19 weeks)so logically I know that this most likely is nothing. But still, I'm scared.

Here we go again

Well, we're getting back on the roller coaster. I'm pregnant!

I'm still getting used to the idea and I'm terrified of what's ahead -- but I do hope that the third time's a charm and we actually get to bring a baby home!

We have our first ultrasound on December 30th which might be too early to see anything. I tried my best to not have my first appointment until almost 8 weeks but my doctor said no. I argued my best but she's leaving town and wants to know things are progressing properly before she leaves. Hard to disagree.

So, this begins what will be a (hopefully)long and difficult journey.

Here we go...

I passed, I passed

I just talked to my doctor who informed me that my CD 21 progesterone last cycle was a giant 24. She was quite pleased. As am I.

The emphasis should be that it was LAST cycle -- a cycle that didn't work. At least there was lots of progesterone for it not to work in. So yeehaw, a 24.

We talked about how many more cycles to do with clomid (1) and then we'll re-evaluate. I asked if next step is IUI -- but she said because of the quote unquote (thanks grrl) age factor we might go straight to IVF. Not sure I agree with that rx.

Isn't IVF about 20,000 times more expensive than IUI? Seems we should at least give it a go.

Hopefully we won't get that far. Come on double lines...

Bon Voyage

I haven't reflected enough on our recent trip to London and Paris. I loved London-- it was our first time -- and about our 8th time to Paris. We love Paris.

I love to travel -- especially to European countries. I try my best to look at the country through the eyes of a local, not a tourist. I'm sure they never mistake me for a local, but I really do enjoy the challenge of veering off the tourist path and discovering life as those who experience it daily.

When we were first dating we went to Europe every year. Our honeymoon was a month traversing Spain, France and Italy. We went year after year with the last trip to Paris on New Years of 2002 with our families.

After that trip we started trying to get pregnant. I got pregnant in May. We lost our baby in September. After some serious damage to my body, not to mention my soul, it took some time before my doctor would let us try again. Try we did -- I got pregnant in June but then miscarried in August at eight weeks. And since August, 2003 nothing.

We didn't travel again because we knew I would be pregnant soon.

There have been so many things in our life that have been put on hold by trying to conceive a baby. Our recent trip provided such a great chance to reconnect and realize that even though we don't have the baby we desparately long for -- we can enjoy each other while we wait for her/him to arrive.